Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
