I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
false alarm. still invincible.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
