I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Dear god my vagina.
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