I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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