You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
