I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
