ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
