i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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