My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize