Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
