I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
