So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
