I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
