the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
