Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
