Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
