We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
