I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
BRING THE BAGELS
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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