Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
