So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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