I'm eating all of the evidence.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
