I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
