We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
