In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
