she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
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