glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
