Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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