sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I didn't notice because vodka
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
