the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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