So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize