I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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