I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
