Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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