What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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