You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
