Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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