Joe is yelling at the trees again.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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