Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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