So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
