I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
