he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
