I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
