We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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