mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
