my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
