I feel great
I just peed on a car
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
