I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
