I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
