when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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