Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
