So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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