So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
she peed on how many people?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
