i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize