my phone needs a breathalizer
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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