oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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