I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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