I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize