I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
