Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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