i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
