wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
